“I WILL PUT IT ON FESSBOOK, TWITTER & INSTAGRAM…..”

I have been in Human Resources for close to five years, with a strong bias towards Learning & Development, Talent Acquisition/Recruitment and then Personnel Management. For me, Recruitment is always personal. In the sense that I try as much as possible to peruse every Curriculum Vitae (CV) submitted before the time frame elapses. I have worked in an organization where we used NAVISION software to sift out the CVs that didn’t meet the necessary criteria for the role. While this method makes the recruitment exercise less cumbersome, I am always worried that there might be just that one qualified person, who for one flimsy reason or the other may have been screened out of the process. Anyway, we also have instances where candidates come to submit their CVs in person.



Again, I suspect that this situation arises when our staff tell people about the vacancies and advise them to do so to avoid their CVs being tossed out in the first electronic selection process. I don’t encourage this, and as I had stated earlier, recruitment is always personal for me. So I always try to look at every resume that comes in for a position very keenly. This process can sometimes be frustrating, as some CVs are so poorly written that you wonder if truly this folk is a graduate, of even a secondary school leaver. When I come across like four/five of such poorly written ones, I just want to give up. Then I tell myself, number sixth might just be the candidate I need. I advice job seekers to put efforts into their CVs and not just because of themselves but because of the next CV after theirs.

So a time came when we shortlisted for the role of Corporate Affairs (Digital Media) Officer, and the date for the interview was set. Interview invites were all sent out. Shortlisting for this role was an arduous task because of the short notice needed to fill the role, and also because the staff who had resigned had owned the role. We were looking to not only recruiting within a short period of time but also looking to hire someone who have to fill up the huge vacuum the former staff had left. I remember one of the candidates very clearly. Her CV was so well put together, it was a pleasure to read. She seemed to have everything we needed and I was so certain that with her, chances are that the role was all but filled.



First stage, we gave them a “two line incident” and asked them to draft up a paragraph or two of content that will attract readers. I have to admit that I was a bit biased, but then, that is how it seems sometimes when on your paper you have your ideal candidate.

This exercise was for 20 minutes, and we offered them refreshments while we perused the short write up. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw what this particular lady had written. It seemed like a primary school pupil had written it. I had to confirm the name on her submission and the name on her CV to be sure. It was same name! What could be happening?

Fast forward to the oral interview. It was going well, and I had seen a couple of promising folks that could fill the role. Then it got to the lady’s turn.

I looked at her rich, well detailed CV and tell myself that maybe, she types better than she writes or that maybe today was her bad day or that maybe…..

“Tell us about yourself..”

“My name is Margaret James (not real name)”

“Go on…..”

Laughter….short bursts of laughter

“Margaret please relax,” I assumed she was nervous and enquired if I should reduce the A/C, was the room too cold? “Do you want some water? Some more time?”

“No,” she replies amidst chuckles.

I looked at my colleagues, two men. They were becoming impatient already.

“What’s amusing you? Please share the joke,” one said coldly

“I am sorry,” she said

“Can you tell us about yourself now….”

“Please just ask me questions. I don’t know how to talk about myself.” More chuckles.

(Silence everywhere... More silence.) She is smiling non-stop. I am beginning to think she is ultra-nervous or maybe a bit insane. How is her jaw not hurting with the permanent smile?
Colleague A (who is the Manager): your CV is quite detailed…

“Yes,” she replies

“Please tell us some more about your role at XYZ company.”

“It’s in the CV already. Didn’t you read?” The smile is maniac now. Colleague A looked aghast.

 
“Yes, we read it,” I respond, getting agitated. “But please tell us about the job. There may be things you didn’t include in the CV….”

 
“I included everything.”

(Silence) I sensed my colleagues looking at me, I kept my gaze on Margaret.

“Your case study. How do you intend to attract people and make them aware of our company’s digital presence…”

“What I have written, I will upload it.”

“Okay….”

Silence, smiles.

Colleague B who hasn’t spoken all this while commented, “Where will you upload it to?”

“I will upload it to Fessbook, Teeter and Instagramm.” Smiles and chuckles.

“Margaret, why are you here?” I asked

“For Interview.”

“Ok. How old are you?”

“27.”

“Ok, I see you studied English and Literature.”

“Yes.”

“OK. You have been doing Content marketing for XYZ company….”

“No. I receive calls from people and direct them where to buy goods.”

“What goods?”

“Phone. We sell phones.”

I was stunned. The CV said XYZ is an e-firm into Computer Softwares, and appliances. Where does sale of phone come in?

“Is the company online?”

“Yes, on Fessbook….”

“Ok, do you manage it?”

“Yes, I put pictures of our phones on Fessbook.”

The Manager had had enough.

“Thank you very much Margaret. Adanma will get back to you.”

She chuckled and smiled. “Thank you sir.”

They turned their gaze at me after she left

“Her CV seemed perfect.” I said shrugging.

NOTE: If someone offers to help you edit your CV by putting information that is not correct on it, it will hurt you in the long run. You might be shortlisted but chances are you won’t go beyond that stage.

Author: Adanma Ugwunna. (Twitter: @quasirookie)